okay pat passed out under dana's car
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
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