She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
