Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
