I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
