Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Randomize
