id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
we're making bets on your personal life
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
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