Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I'm eating all of the evidence.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
