Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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