Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
