Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
it glows. i had to have it.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
