i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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