I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
