Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
