Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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