I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i jhust puked up my retainher.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
