my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
