this boner is exhausting
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
