I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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