Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
