my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
