I can't breathe out the right side of my face
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
