Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
