i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
