Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
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