He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
