Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
