Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
