I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
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