I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
