Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
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