my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
He better not be in your backpack
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
