it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
