it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
