they need to just BURY HIM!
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
