I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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