Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
