No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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