You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
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