I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
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