I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
