you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I stole a fireplace last night.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Randomize
