So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
