yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
