i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Is it because I queefed?
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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