what if every blade of grass was a penis?
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
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