I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
vagina is talking i cant
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
