Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Enjoy the penises
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
