dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
