it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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