Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
You smell like a Billy Joel song
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
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