We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
