Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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