she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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