wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
