If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
My bed smells like the plague
Randomize
