some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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