just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
